R'tas Brand Heavily Armoured Mobile Toilets and Urinals
R'tas Brand Heavily Armoured Mobile Toilets and Urinals is a sub-brand of R'tas Brand Toilets and Urinals Inc. which specialises in providing vehicles for the Covenant. Despite their name, the vehicles they produce aren't all that heavily armoured, only the onces reserved for the Elites. However, this does not mean that all the loos are bad. They served their purpose alarmingly well. The brand was set up by Shitmaster because he realised the Covenant was crap. These are some of their products. Super Anti Diaper Bog Maximus This particular Covenant toilet, commonly referred to as the 'Wraith', is used by Brutes when they need to go. It utilizes an excretion condenser to condense the excrement into a ball of blue-hot plasma which is then hurled at enemies. People don't realise that the Wraith actually comes in two versions. One that can only hold one Brute at a time, and has a smaller plasma mortar. The other version can hold a Grunt and a Brute, and has a big turret at the top as well as a mortar. The turret shoots superheated Grunty Urine. Shitmaster also created a variation called the Super Anti Diaper Bog Deluxe, which got covered in poo and turned brown. The Grunts decided to attatch Fuel Rod Guns to the back and, in all their idiocy, assigned it to be an Anti-Air device. Which is odd since it couldn't hit a bright pink duck in a barrell of poo. Wraith 1.jpg|The original Super Anti Diaper Bog Maximus Wraith 2.jpg|The modified 'Anti-Air' Bog Maximus Really Fast Grunt Poo Machine These things, also called 'Ghosts', are used by Grunts to store their poo. Initially, the poo is just kept in the hull of the vehicle. However, the brand eventually developed a way of transforming the poo into a method of boosting, to allow the Ghost to go faster. Flying Poo Dispenser Deluxe This thing allows the Covenant to deploy poo... and soldiers... all across the battlefield. It used to have three poo dispensers, but it later switched to just one poo dispenser. The ship itself explodes if it is hit by too many Human missiles, and when it is about to explode it drops to the floor and shrieks before blasting poo all over the place. Yuk. Giant Diseased Poo launcher that sprays shit across the Battlefield It looks like a big beetle of some kind, and you can destroy it by hitting its arse. For some reason, it sprays poo out of its mouth. Apparently it is run by Hunters, which is odd because they do not even produce poo. Some people think that the poo comes from a Brute toilet facility buried deep within the machine. You can sometimes hear Truth's voice eminating from the ship as if it is somehow used as a beacon for his lies. Just goes to show how much shit comes out of Truth's mouth. The latest, high-tech, indestructible model was used by Regret, and proved to be quite effective. It was for this reason that the Brutes sent it back to be replaced by an inferior model used on REAAAACH!, which is so weak that it was nicknamed the 'Failed AT-AT'. Scarab 1.jpg|The newer, more powerful version, spraying its shit Scarab 2.jpg|The older, bulkier, slower, shittier version, favoured by Truth Anti-Air_Scarab_Appearance.jpg|Let me guess, Anti-Air. Well, it probably spews poo whatever it is Amazingly Fast Poo Transporter Rarely seen, this recent addition to the arse-nal of the Toilet company is basically used to transport Poo to and from the battlefield. Johnny has only ever seen a handful of these, and that was when he was travelling through the tunnels of New Mombasa. The Covvies thought that the tunnels were sewers and so used them to transport all the poo. Johnny destroyed all the Poo transporters and in so doing spread poo all over the battlefield. Again. Mobile Elite Urinal for the use of His High Majesty the Shitmaster This is a purpley-pink urinal used by Shitmaster alone, but he often lends some to his soldiers. It is not seen after the defeat of Tartarus's Brutant Buddies as Shitmaster has no need for it anymore, since he has his Shadow of Intent toilet to deal with his waste. Nevertheless, it served its purpose well, and Shitmaster once took down an entire Brute cruiser with one. He must have released his poo into the ship and made all the Brutes die of Lung Implosion, but this is only wild rumour. It was replaced by a gray piece of shit during Truth's reign, much to the anger of the Shitmaster. Thankfully, this newer version was largely ineffective, thanks to the idiocy of Da Brute Choppa Gangstaz. Average Poo mobile used by Elite couples and Kat This machine was created soley for the use during the Battle of REAAAACH!!!! and is also known as the Covenant car because it holds two Elites behind the hood. The car itself even has a tiny poo launcher. Whenever Kat gets anywhere near these she often flings both it and herself off the edge of a cliff, only to reappear moments later. Strange. Duel-Pronged Shit Deployer This automaton was used during the Battle of Reach and the Battle of Installation 04, and was notable for being a load of crap. Its method of deploying soldiers was strange, it would coat the deployment hatches of the craft with Poo so that the troopers would slide out better, however, this usually resulted in them being killed by Johnny or whoever was around. The model was later withdraw due to lack of urine. Largely Ineffective Covenant Shit Insertion Device This was used for the invasion of Cairo Station, and it deployed the troopers that festered within by burning through the glass of the station with molten Grunt Poo and Shitting out its forces into the station's hangars. It was protected by an inpenetrable force field made of frozen Drone Piss, however this could not stop Lord Hood from farting them back out into space. Poo-ridden Floating Aerial Combat by use of Wee Device This craft saw extensive use by the Covenant due to its dual attacks - it either pelted its victim with Wee or covered them in green, radioactive Hunter Poo. It was also used by the Heretics but they painted theirs brown (you can guess what with) and left the purple wiring exposed to make it weaker. It screams when it flies, probably due to its disgust at its horrible smell. Banshee 1.jpg|The original Wee Fighter Banshee 2.png|The Heretic Poo Fighter Space-bound Poo deployer for use in Space This fighter was developed by Pretzel King before he left the Covenant, and the designs fell into R'tas's hands. It was used during the Battle of Reach but they were all destroyed, leaving the only one left inside Pretzel King's Empire. Stationary Shit-Sprayer, hated by Hood because its Farts smell worse than his do This was seen only once, in France, and Hood ordered all the UNSC to take it out because it was apparently an 'Anti-Air' device, however, like all Covenant Anti-Air, it was not very effective. Johnny beheaded it and allowed Hood's ships to attack the Eiffel Tower. The undeniably Crap Turd deployer used by the Failures and filled with Poo, destroyed in a similar manner to the Diseased Shit Sprayer but with a smaller explosion that proves just how bad it is. Need we say more? Lich.jpg|The massive hunk of dried turd itself Category:Organizations Category:Shops